Polygyny Maybe? A Practical Guide to Polygyny (eBook)
This is a short and useful digital book you can get and share with your friends. If you are already in polygyny or aspiring to practice it in future this is a must read. Spending a few dollars to learn from the experiences of others is better than making mistakes that can be avoided. The…
Chapter 3
SHE WON’T AGREE
Bilal’s wife Ayesha will not agree to him marrying another
wife. Years had passed by since Fatimah, and Bilal was now
engaged in talks with yet another woman. By now this is the third
woman he is engaged with. Each and every time he went to Ayesha
she refused him on the grounds that the woman was not suitable.
Bilal has begun to think that no woman will be acceptable and that
the only way he would be able to marry another woman is if he
does it without his wife’s approval.
Mariam, the woman Bilal wants to marry, was at first totally
against the idea of being a second wife. She refused any such
suggestion from Bilal out right, and yet she continued to talk to
him. Men often ask me two questions about getting a woman to
agree. The first question is how to get the first wife to agree and the
second is how to get another woman to agree to marriage when
you already have a wife. Let’s focus on the second part first
because it is the easier of the two. As a guy all you have to be is
upfront. Never deceive a woman about your marital status if it is
you want a second wife. Always say that you are married and that
you are open to the idea of having another wife. Most women
would be apprehensive at first, but if you are a likeable guy might
actually find themselves agreeing. In my short life time, five
women agreed to marry me despite my other wives. None of those
women were previously married or old. Mariam, although initially
13averse to polygyny eventually agreed because she genuinely likes
Bilal. Women do not aim for polygyny. They normally aim for
monogamy. Women end up in polygyny because they like a man
who is already married or they are with a man who is polygynous.
One day, Bilal lets his wife know that he has married again.
Ayesha is furious and the marriage almost ends in divorce, but then
the two agree to try to make it work nevertheless. Very often when
embarking on polygyny it reaches a point where the only way the
man will ever achieve it is if he just does it. Countless men say
they would like to have another wife but their current wife won’t
agree and so they refrain from doing so. Most women who are
married monogamously will not agree to the husband marrying
another wife. It is normally women who are single that are in
favour of polygyny because it opens up the marriage market to
include men that are already married. Since so few men can
actually afford marriage to begin with, and even a greater number
are simply not willing to marry, it seems almost necessary to view
married men as also available.
How should you go about trying to get your wife to agree to
polygyny? The answer is brutal. You can’t get her to agree. What
you should do is not seek her approval. If you really want another
wife, you should marry another wife whether she agrees to it or
not. However, once you have married another wife, make sure not
to neglect your first wife and if possible spend more time with her
than your new wife. Every new wife should understand that it is
very difficult for the first wife to have to adjust when she was
monogamously married to begin with. If a woman wants to marry
a married man, she should be prepared, at least in the first year or
two, to accept that she will not be given that much attention as she
might’ve liked. There is always going to be the need to do damage
control whenever you take another wife.
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