A hoe is a hoe, a chaste woman is a wife
Linda woke up bright and early as usual. The sun was glistening through the bedroom window. She had to get up, but she didn’t really want to. “Why! Aish… I need more sleep!” She slipped out of her warm and cozy bed in her upmarket apartment in Camps Bay, Cape Town. Linda was the only child of a couple who had adopted her. Her mother was a young, ambitious dancer who fell pregnant after an encounter with a sexy sailor passing through the Cape Town port. Having no choice but to have the baby, she decided to give it up for adoption. Linda never knew her mother or her father, but was grateful to her kind-hearted, warm, and loving family that adopted her.
Staring in the mirror, she watched a pale white face and deep blue eyes look back at her. She was the only white person in her family. As a result, she discovered that she had a lot more opportunities than they did, being welcomed into the upmarket white society of South Africa. It wasn’t exactly all good, though. She suffered from an identity crisis. “Who am I?” She asked herself the same question while staring in the mirror for her entire life, almost hoping that the person in the mirror would reply. “Who and I?”
At her office, Linda has a brief encounter with her ex-boyfriend. He is a video guy for the popular TV network that they both work for. She is a news anchor. She landed that job straight out of high school and has been doing it ever since.
Staring at each other for a brief moment as they pass each other by, Randall remarks, “Looking good today,” with a big smirk on his face. Linda had spent so much time talking to herself in the mirror earlier that she messed up her colour coordination. Normally, she’d dress very formally, but this morning she had on her formal jacket with jeans and sneakers. There just wasn’t time. Linda replied, “Fuck you, Randall.” Laughing out loud this time, Randall said under his
breath, “Yeah, you sure did.”
Linda and Randall got together just two months earlier, one night after a news broadcast at the scene where the latest shootout took place between armed robbers and the police. The two of them spent a few months working together, and Linda found Randall very attractive. After a night of drinks at the local pub in Loop Street, Linda decided to invite Randall into her apartment. They had some crazy, drunk sex and woke up the next day at noon feeling hammered. After popping some brufens and downing a jug of water, Linda looked over at Randall. “mmm.. Look, Randall, it was fun, but… this doesn’t mean…” Randall replied sharply, “I know, it’s all good.”
Work got a bit awkward after that, but the two didn’t seem to be done with each other just yet. Randall would still spend the night with Linda after work. On one such night, when Randall randomly showed up, he ran into Linda’s good friend, Devon. He was surprised to find another guy there and didn’t much like it. Devon, sitting innocently next to Linda, could feel the hostility emanating from Randall and so decided to call it a night. “Mmm.. Anyway, Linda, it’s been nice catching up, but I have a shit load of work to do. We’ll meet up sometime soon, ok?” After an exchange of hugs and kisses, Devon saw himself out of the apartment.
Linda looked at Randall and knew that he was pissed. “What’s with you?” Linda asked casually. “What do you mean?” Randall retorted. “Who is that?” Randall asked.
“That’s Devon, we are friends from way before I knew you.” Randall smirked, “What do you mean by ‘friends?’” Suddenly, Linda snapped, “Look, Randall, I don’t owe you any explanations. I can do whatever I want. This is my apartment!” Randall got up, straightened his jacket, and said, “Oh, ok. It’s like that then. Goodbye”, and gently saw himself out. That was the last time he entered her apartment.
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Long-term relationships don’t start the day you decide that that’s what you want. It starts from the moment you grow breasts and commit yourself to the possibility that you would like to give yourself to one man for eternity, with all the risks that that could entail. Men who are interested in long-term relationships see women as having intrinsic value. What is that intrinsic value?
When a man has the choice between two women: one woman who is a virgin and another woman who isn’t a virgin, nine out of ten times he’d choose the virgin. Why? Is it because she has a hymen? Is that what virginity is about?
It’s because he is more likely to experience complete loyalty from the virgin than from the non-virgin. While men might not discriminate when it comes to embarking on casual relationships, they most definitely do when it comes to marriage, as should you. There is no giving a person a chance when marriage is meant to be for a very long time.
Men know that almost every woman feels a connection to the guy who took her virginity. It’s a moment often deeply imprinted in her mind, as it is the first time she felt totally and utterly vulnerable to a man. That vulnerability is what men are typically after. A woman should only feel that emotional vulnerability to her husband because that’s the only guarantee that she will be loyal, as far as men are concerned.
Several women often struggle in their relationships and complain of having a lack of intimacy because their husbands are just not loving enough. On closer inspection, however, I found that it is often not the case that the husband isn’t loving; it’s that her emotional connection is with the guy who took her virginity or several other ex-boyfriends. She may want to feel a deeper bond with her husband, but she can’t because she already feels a deep bond with someone else. Women are hard-wired to be monogamous, and they form a permanent connection with their first love in a way that they will never be able to rekindle with anyone else.
Suppose a woman lost her virginity to a man she opted to commit to. In that case, she will find the end of that relationship to be extremely taxing to the extent that she would safeguard that relationship with her life. She would do nothing to put that relationship at risk because it is the relationship in which she gave herself entirely to the man. Often, it’s the only relationship of that nature. Every succeeding man will only get a part of her; the first guy will always have gotten the lion’s share. Men know that, and men would rather avoid being the second guy if they can. Interestingly, most second marriages fail because the second husband is being compared to the first.
However, if the woman made a clean psychological and to some extent emotional break from the first guy, there’s a chance that the second guy could have a half-decent committed relationship with her. Men also know this instinctively, which is why men often marry previously married women. The fact that the woman was married and stayed loyal and committed to her husband is proof that she knows how to sustain a long-term relationship.
Also, if the woman used her entire youth (something men value) to have fun by sleeping around and enjoying the sexual attention of countless men, she is very unlikely to change her habits later in life, even if she doesn’t sleep around. The truth is that it will be difficult for her to guard herself from wanting or accepting sexual attention from men, and she will view a man who doesn’t want her to welcome the sexual attention of other men as being tyrannical. It’s in her best interest and all men’s interest for her not to get married.
Men typically do not like the idea of sharing a woman. That is, men would like it if their long-term partners didn’t accept or enjoy the sexual attention of other men.
In short, if you want a long-term partner, you need to not be a hoe. You cannot have sex with a man and at the same time think that you’re not in an actual relationship with him. Men typically prefer women with a low body count and who do not have several intimate emotional connections with guys. Your intrinsic value isn’t merely your virginity, but what it represents. It says to a guy that you are more likely to be loyal and committed, and less likely to make yourself emotionally vulnerable to other guys. That’s because the greatest vulnerability you have ever experienced in your life should be with the guy that you are now with. That’s the ideal.
If you aren’t a virgin, in the very least, you should not have slept around with several guys, devaluing your future long-term relationship by giving away for free what your long-term partner now has to ‘pay’ for. There’s a price to commitment. If you’re after commitment and trust in a long-term relationship, then you should prepare yourself for it by respecting your future husband and his sentiments towards sexual jealousy, loyalty, and commitment. The fact is, women who have casual sex ruin their ability to pair-bond. They find themselves wanting to test if they’ve still got it, even while they are married!
Now, you might be a woman who’s been around the block a few times. You might have had sex with dozens of men, but now you’d like to settle down. I’m gonna be real with you on this. It’s not too late, but you have to change your lifestyle. You have to practice being celibate for one to three years to break the cycle, and you have to accept that you are not equal to a woman who has guarded herself in terms of the value you bring to a marriage. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. It’s the same as you choosing not to marry a man who is unbelievably unsuccessful and broke, and who at forty still…….
A Guide on How to Get and Keep a Man (eBook)
I want a man who will love me, cherish me, honour me, and most importantly… I want a man who will commit. I want a man who will look after me, protect me, help me, and sometimes spoil me. I want a man who won’t cheat on me and who I can grow old with. That’s the man I want. That’s the man I don’t think I can get.
I’m done having fun. I want something serious.
Why would a man write a book about how a woman can find a long-term companion? What can a man possibly know about women? If that’s your first concern I will not invalidate it here. There’s a good chance you are right. What a man does know is other men. What do men want in a long-term partner? It is not that surprising that not very many women have asked themselves this critical question. It’s a critical question because having a relationship with a man does, incidentally, include the man. Meaning, there must be something he wants right? There must be something he needs? What is it?
Men and women rarely understand each other because they think about relationships in very different ways. Men think about sex as an objective, women see it as an extension of something bigger- an intimate emotional connection. There’s a negotiation that takes place in every relationship regardless of its nature. What is the best way to go about negotiation a long-term relationship with a man? How do you get him to commit to you in the long-term? Once in the relationship, how do you help him stay faithful? Can yo help him stay faithful or are men hard wired to cheat? What is it that you have on offer? Shall we explore? Are you ready?
If you want the book in print or on Kindle you can purchase it on Amazon
Introduction to Building Lasting Relationships
In today’s fast-paced world, maintaining a long-term relationship can be challenging. Coach De Bruyns offers insightful guidance in their book, ‘Get and Keep a Man: A Guide to Long-Term Relationships’. This comprehensive guide provides strategies for fostering a meaningful and enduring connection with your partner.
Understanding Your Partner
One of the key aspects covered in the book is the importance of understanding your partner’s needs and desires. Coach De Bruyns emphasizes the significance of effective communication and empathy in a relationship. By genuinely listening and responding to your partner’s concerns, you can create a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Maintaining the Spark
Long-term relationships require continuous effort to maintain the initial spark. The book suggests practical tips for keeping the romance alive, such as planning regular date nights, surprising your partner with thoughtful gestures, and keeping the lines of communication open. These actions help to reinforce the bond and keep the relationship exciting.
Conflict Resolution
Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle them can make all the difference. Coach De Bruyns provides effective strategies for resolving disputes without damaging the relationship. The book highlights the importance of patience, compromise, and constructive communication in overcoming disagreements and strengthening the partnership.
Conclusion
Coach De Bruyns’ ‘Get and Keep a Man: A Guide to Long-Term Relationships’ is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to build and maintain a healthy, lasting relationship. By implementing the advice and techniques shared in the book, couples can navigate the complexities of their relationship with confidence and grace.
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