Coach De Bruyns www.coachdebruyns.com
MATE GUARDING
How to Choose and Keep a Wife: A Practical Guide for Men
How to Choose and Keep a Wife is a much needed and in demand marriage guide for men in a time when marriages are just not working. This book doesn’t aim to fix the problems of women, or the problems with society. Rather, this book gives men a step by step guide on how to…
Most men would have gone through feeling jealous when another man is talking to the woman they like. Jealousy is a natural instinct in both men and women, and unlike popular discourse suggest, jealousy in a man is good. A man’s jealousy is a protection for the women he is with because they will have to always regulate their behavior as if in the presence of their husband. This, in biological terms, is called mate guarding. A man naturally tries to guard his mate from other predatory males to ensure that the offspring she births are in fact his. In nature, there was no full proof way of knowing that the children belonged to a man except through the chastity and good conduct of his women. Those instincts cannot just be undone because we now have DNA tests. Whatever you do, do not ignore your instincts. Often, instincts know a lot more about what is really going on than your brain. These instincts have evolved earlier than the frontal cortex and has a greater capacity for awareness.
In the modern context mate guarding is frowned on by many women for as long as it is exercised by men. However, it is not frowned on by women when it is exercised by women. Let me give you an example, if a man has female friends around him, his wife might dislike it, get angry, and even threaten divorce. Everyone will understand that she is jealous and that’s perfectly acceptable. If a woman has male friends and the man gets jealous and threatens divorce, everyone will say he is insecure. Don’t’ fall for that joke. You are not insecure, you are right. She shouldn’t have male friends while being married to you because it is a recipe for disaster. I cannot tell you how many married women ended up sleeping with a male friend. For every instance I know of, there are probably three instances of women around me I don’t know of, because women are far better at deception than men. Jada Pinkett Smith (b.1971) is a public example of where having a male friend can get you. Marriage is far too important and sacred to risk it all in the name of liberty.
I understand many women will argue that they have male friends and they do not believe they would ever have an affair. That’s what every woman who had an affair with her male friend also said. The fact is, she will not know when or where the line of friendship was crossed because it is a slippery slope. When did she become emotionally invested in her male friend? She isn’t going to know. She is just going to find herself emotionally invested in him, and when he makes a move, she’ll just find herself in bed with him and then finally say, “I don’t know how it happened. I didn’t intend it.” Frankly, she’s right. She didn’t intend it. Women don’t intend most things that happen to them because they are perpetual victims. That’s why it is your job to guard her by enforcing strict rules to ensure such things never happen. It simply isn’t true that a loyal woman won’t have an affair. Every woman can potentially have an affair, it is the women who refuse to acknowledge that that are most dangerous.
Women in general have been designed to be more impressionable and are generally vulnerable to flattery and attention given to them by men. The minute you make a woman feel good and she gets hooked on those feelings, it won’t be long before you will be able to sleep with her. That’s even true about your wife and other men. Don’t for one minute think that she is immune because she’s married. She’s never immune. That’s why she is to always behave as if in your presence and she is not to be alone with any man besides you and men who are genuinely not interested in sleeping with her: her brothers, and blood relatives. All other men you should view with suspicion because as men we know that 90% of our species only keep close to women in the hope that they can have sex with them. Why would you want men around your wife who want to bang her?
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If you are in polygyny and you find your wife is alone with a man who isn’t the aforementioned, then you are to assume that she slept with him, even if she didn’t. As a man in polygyny you cannot risk promiscuous behavior because it compromises the entire marriage enterprise you have going for yourself. Imagine one of your wives get an STD because she doesn’t behave? Remember, you will never know when your wife sleeps with another man because woman are experts at deception. I’ve known of women who have children with other men and their husbands’ have no clue. I’ve counselled women who have had affairs and until this day are happily married because no one else knows. Women have been evolved to practice a level of manipulation that men are unable to match because men have always ‘cheated’ openly. Throughout history men didn’t care that people knew they have multiple women. It’s only in our most recent past that monogamy has become the perceived norm. Of course, we all know that there is very little real monogamy. The fact is numbers don’t lie. Look at the following statistics from worldpopulationreveiw.com:
From the same source, if you are in the United States the average is 10 to 11 sexual partners per person. In a world where these are the stats does it make sense to really talk about monogamy? Also, it should demonstrate the need to Mate Guard and to be thorough in choosing a wife for marriage. Many women are literally unable to stay sexually loyal in the climate we live in now. In fact, I’ve demonstrated that most women would not even qualify to be concubines because even that requires sexual loyalty. The only way we will reestablish order and the patriarchy is by changing this promiscuous trend through our own conduct. As a man you should not sleep with a woman who has slept around. Any woman who has a body count of over three men has slept around. It’s virtually impossible to say that having had sex with ten men you believe in long-term relationships.
It is entirely different when a man slept with ten or more women than when a woman slept with ten or more men. A man does not receive the genetic material of a woman when he has sex with her, unless she has herpes or an STD that he contracts that lives within her DNA. When a woman sleeps with a man, she feels a deep emotional connection with him. That is nature’s mechanism to tell her that she now belongs to him. In an ideal world, she should pair with that man for life. However, the world isn’t ideal, so they break up and move on. Only, she never really moves on. She takes that bond with her for life. The second guy gets only a part of her ability to pair. The third guy gets less. By the time she gets to the tenth guy she is a walking wreck. She is simply unable to sustain a long-term relationship emotionally. You are getting a woman who is split ten ways, and you’re number eleven and then she has the audacity to demand monogamy. The reason why you, as a guy, instinctively would like to marry a virgin isn’t because she possesses a hymen. It’s because you instinctively know that a virgin is more
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likely to be loyal to you and your instincts are 100% right 100% of the time. You should learn to trust it.
You’re living in a world and a climate where promiscuity is rife, and you are trying to do something that is rare. Marriage, or real marriage, the kind you find in the Bible and Qur’an is rare. You are trying to live a life that the world no longer caters for and so you need to be strict, be cautious and build yourself a circle of friends who are likeminded. You also need to take all these measures in choosing and keeping a wife that I’ve recommended very seriously. Don’t think that this is Islam or Christianity or religion, and since you’re not religious it doesn’t matter. Taking lessons from proven and tested methods is also scientifically sound. Even if you don’t believe in a religion, don’t for one minute believe that traditions and customs are valueless. When I say don’t allow your wife to be alone with another man, this might sound very religious. However, it is also simply practical and common sense. More than anything else, follow your instincts. If you sense something is off, something is off. Pay attention!
Lastly, in another important study in the United Kingdom they found that one in twenty-five fathers are parenting a child that they don’t know isn’t biological theirs.15 In another global study they put that figure up to 30%. In other words, one-third of the children globally are calling men who aren’t their biological fathers’ Dad.16 If you didn’t think there was a reason to Mate Guard, and that your instincts were just a dumb throwback from when you were a monkey, think again. Religious, societal, and marriage conventions are after all just conventions. Nature will trump it every time, so why ignore your own nature? Or are you going to sit there, come home while your best friend is visiting with your wife, hand him a drink and hangout with them? I believe it’s that type of messed up behavior that resulted in the situation we are in today.
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